Last Time. This Time.

In about two weeks I will be making my way to the best camp on earth. CAMP CRESTRIDGE. Last time, we started talking (after being upset with each other for so long) the day I left. It took him a while to talk to me again cause we actually dated that summer for approximately 5 hours... and just like this time, I ruined that. I think one of the many reasons I miss him most is because he knows so much about me and i'm not just talking about my favorite color or my worst tickle spots... He knows my darkest secrets, my fears, and my weaknesses. He knows my flaws yet, accepts them. He didn't care about my scars or when I was completely stupid. I didn't have to lie to him because I knew he could handle the truth. He was the ultimate jokester and all our conversations made me laugh. I remember this one night we were on the phone and I was so uncomfortable with this situation I was in and we were joking one second and then all of a sudden he became so serious and said "hey.. are you okay?" it sounds so dumb but it's what I loved. The simple stuff. I loved how he understood what I was going through. I told him all my problems cause he's been through it. He knows pain, he knows anger, he knows the difference between real and fake, but most of all, He knew me. He knew i hated being told 'I love you' too early and how i wanted my first kiss to be "special." what the hell is a "special" kiss anyways?? shouldn't all first kisses be special? I'm such a jerk. If I do get the chance to be his again, I'll remind myself of all the times I cried myself to sleep because I broke up with a guy like him. I'll read every blog entry and journal I wrote about him. I'll keep note of every conversation we had that made me smile.. I'll remind myself of the moments we spent together because those are the moments that are most precious. I'll remind myself of what I missed most while being apart so I don't have to experience the feeling of not being able to have it again. He was the best to me, I think he only deserves even better in return. [MLL]