I don't even know what is wrong with me? I'm just frustrated. I want to know what my dad is going through. I want to be able to do so much for Mika and Kenji but I can't. I don't have money and i'm so young. What do you want from me? I'm a terrible follower. I have fallen so many times and turned away from you so many times. I go to you when I need things but not when I have them. I write these letters and I say I want to change the way I am but I don't. I ask you for death, but honestly, am I ready? God, I so badly want to stop hurting people and stop having to lean off of others to get stuff done but i'm just so stressed out. I see these people that are christian and they look so happy but then I also notice that they have a lot of stuff. I mean, why am I so greedy? I'm everything I shouldn't be and I'm going down this road I don't even want to be on. I just said things to my dad that will probably make him cry and on top of that I say things to people to purposefully make them hurt. I'm sorry. I'm a monster, God. You know how all of this feels and you know how it feels to be in my situation... I guess what i'm saying is what do I do about it? what do I say to all these people??
These are all of the people that I have been rude to today whether it was direct or indirect, I was still mean..
Dad
Gaby
Crissie
Mom
Tiffany
I'm sorry. I will talk to someone about it. I will talk to an adult.
and one more prayer God, I just pray that you would take away everything i'm holding back right now. I say i've forgiven him God but I haven't. So Please... just calm me and take away my anger.
No comments:
Post a Comment