Receiving Hate... Giving Love.

Its just so hard sometimes... giving so much love to someone and them constantly hating you in return. I don't know how much more I can take much less... give. I feel like every time I try and be nice or do something its not good enough and that I just screw up so why even do it? Its like I don't even have anyone to talk to about it anymore and I'm just always upset with life. I try to smile and be happy for everyone but eventually, I just fall apart. I can never please anyone and I always ruin everything. I don't even understand why I'm still here. I'm just ready to go, God. I don't mean anything to anyone and even when people say I do its just because they want to make me happy it's not serious. They don't understand my life, what I go through, or what I have been through. I'm just ready to go. So, when you get that chance, God, please take me.

dedicated to: Kenji Snead - sorry God didn't bless you with a better sister.

I Always Mess Up

I don't try to mess things up, but in the end, I do anyways. I really like him and i'm just so self conscious that I always feel the need to leave and talk to someone else. It just really annoys me because he's such a sweet guy and I tell him everything. We stay up and talk late every weekend and during the summer, almost every night. I just feel like I make him feel awkward and that I should just leave. Like, I really don't know what to do. Gosh, I just hate that he's such a nice guy and he's alwayssss helping me out even when it's super late and he's really tired. He's always there. I just wish I would be more confident in myself and not worry about what people think of me. I'm always trying to please others and worrying about what the world will think of me, when really all that matters is if i'm happy with myself. This is definitely something I should pray about. Man, blogging really does help with stress. Thank you whoever invented it.